Spring Convention

Spring Convention was pretty great, but not quite as mind-blowing as expected. The morning consisted of a dull workshop on leadership. Evidently someone forgot to mention that being a leader means not boring your audience. Bored and nearly asleep, we packed off to Ikea, a place I haven’t been for years. I really like a lot of their stuff.

After the lunch break, we were treated to a masterclass in Public Speaking by Rory Vaden, the first runner up in the Toastmasters’ World Championship 2007. It was very informative and useful. Rory finished off his speech with his own World Championship speech, Slam, which wasn’t as funny as I might have expected, this being someone who had written many books on humour; indeed, I found the humour ever so slightly predictable and flat in places. But what made the speech was the fantastic, moving message and the extremely powerful opening and conclusion (Rory opened and closed with his back to the audience, which was an excellent and inspired idea.) It’s also important to stress that humour itself isn’t the objective of the speech. I came away both moved and impressed.

Rory does know his stuff when it comes to humour - I tried to ask him a few things afterwards, and got a bit nervous, heheh. I guess I’m not quite over my shyness yet. It was very interesting and inspiring when he revealed to me that he bombed out on stage himself at a comedy club around a month ago. Even the experts have bad days.

It confirms to me that comedy as a whole, and in particular, stand up, is one of the most difficult things to do, and my hat goes off to not only anyone that has the talent to do it well, but also to those that can’t do it well and still have the courage to go on stage. I wanted to get his book, but I felt it was a little overpriced (I could have read it in about 20-30 minutes, and it came only with a DVD which brought the price to 1500NT). I’m kind of regretting my decision now, simply because humour is just that difficult, and the tips might have been worth it.

Even so, there are lots of good resources on the web.

After came the moment we had all been waiting for, the ‘National’ Championship for Toastmasters (actually District 67, but the same thing.) It was pretty clear from the moment she walked on stage that Sammy Su was a cut above the rest in terms of her performance. She was wonderful, as expected. She’s really my hero! There were also some other entertaining speeches from other speakers, but I did feel that some of our Area runner up speakers were very polished and would have been able to do well at the District level too (I would have placed them in the same positions, first, second and third at District level.)

Overall, I felt inspired enough to have a go at speaking at Fall Convention, although I’m not sure if I’ll be here in Taiwan! My minimum goal is to finish CC before I leave, but I’m not sure if it extends to taking part in competition… That requires however for me to make vast progress as a speaker, especially since the contest in the fall will be the Humorous speech contest.

There were a few unexpected things that struck me about the Championship as a whole.

1. Singing. The Taiwanese, Chinese and English winning speeches all contained brief songs from the contestants, and also some of the other speeches did too. I guess Taiwanese people love to sing. It must be all the time spent at KTV. Well, the singing generally brings enormous applause and laughter.

2. Female contestants. Six of the seven finalists for the English Championship were women. I think that was pretty surprising to me, though possibly just one of those things.

3. The loss of impact in the arena. Sammy definitely did enough to win, but I really feel honoured that I had the chance to hear her speech for the first time in the Area contest, where her vocal impact and power were enormous without the microphone. Her personality filled the entire room. It makes Rory Vaden’s speech even more impressive and polished for me. The guy is very smooth. Making the step up to a large venue is intimidating and difficult, I imagine.

As an aside, I was somewhat disappointed that I couldn’t understand any of the Mandarin winning performance, bar one or two words. It was difficult to take actually, and I thought my Chinese level had improved, but evidently it has a long way to go. My friend told me that the language she used was of an extremely high level, and it was hard to understand. Nevertheless it was like a party to which I hadn’t been invited.

C5 Speech: Post Mortem

Giving a speech is a terrifying experience. All the rehearsal you can possibly do cannot prepare you for the real thing, and so it proved last Friday as I gave my C5 speech.

To put it lightly, my speech bombed. My speech was probably the most uncomfortable experience I’ve had on stage since my C1 speech, and even that speech went a lot better than my C5 speech. I’m not quite sure exactly what went wrong. I certainly don’t want to point any fingers at anyone, and I accept full responsibility for my speech execution. But I do however, consider it unlikely that I’ll give another speech at my club, because as with my C3 speech before, I felt uncomfortable on stage; completely at odds with the way I felt with my C2 and C4 speeches, in which I felt so at ease during the performance, and during which my biggest worry was staying on time.

Humour is always difficult to work into a speech. I had spent a few hours weaving some jokes into my speech, and I was pleased that they would get at least some laughs from the audience. However, that proved not to be the case; I got a few chuckles, but muffled chuckles, as if laughter was best kept to oneself. It reminds me of a time in London I spent watching a stand-up comedy routine, in which the act was a complete disaster. In that moment my heart went out to the guy who had given his all to making us laugh, but couldn’t quite manage it. I wanted to laugh so, so, much, but I just couldn’t. Laughter can’t be forced. You could pinpoint the moment in which he realised that his confidence was abandoning him, and he eventually left the stage discreetly, without a finale, most probably nowhere near the end of his act.

I never thought I would be feeling the same feelings in a Toastmasters speech, but I did. After three minutes or so, I wanted to bail. My head knew what was coming up in the next paragraph, yet another joke, and preempted the response, yet another silence from the audience. In a panic, I tried to rewrite the upcoming paragraph while still delivering the previous one. There was no way in hell I was going to deliver another failed joke. Obviously that was a mistake, and the inevitable ensued, I forgot my place in my speech and this time, the silence was my own.

Despite expecting once again that I would struggle to keep myself on time, instead I inadvertently removed an entire section of the speech(probably because it contained my biggest joke of the night), and the conclusion was a complete mess.

I’ll try to write some of the positives (there are always positives!)

1. I’m half way to CC now. I’m well on my way, and I’m pleased with my progress overall.
2. The fact that I’m beating myself up means that at least I have high standards for myself. The fact is, I still had the best speaker award (though there was only one other speaker, a disappointing show even for our club).
3. I know that even though there’ll be doubts in my mind next time around, I must be becoming more confident on stage on a level I don’t even notice. After all, it can’t get much worse than this. Moreover, I now understand the value of preparing for the worst, and having ‘cover up’ lines to regain rapport with the audience.

In contrast to my C4 speech, which received plenty of laughter, I felt uncomfortable at every level. I’m going to look at speaking at other clubs more often, and quite possibly a membership change. I’m going to write a bit more in the future about humour and how it can be worked into my speeches.

The MBA and the Mexican Fisherman

There’s a great lesson here, but I’m too scared to think about it – because I’m worried about how it might make me consider the futility of pursuing my goals

***

An American businessman was at a pier in a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow-fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied only a little while.

The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish?

The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked the Mexican how he spent the rest of his time.

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor.“

The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and, with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution.

“You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.“

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But senor, how long will this all take?“

The American replied, “15-20 years.“

“But what then, senor?“ asked the Mexican.

The American laughed, and said, “That’s the best part! When the time is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public. You‚Äôll become very rich, you would make millions!“

“Millions, senor?“ replied the Mexican. “Then what?“

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.“

Thread Number Three: Public Speaking

I’ve been a member of Toastmaters in Taipei for around four months now. After an incredibly slow start to my ‘career’ as a speaker, I’m beginning to gain a lot more confidence now, and now, whilst still ridiculously nervous before a speech, the *idea* of speaking in public doesn’t scare me much any more. I know I’ll do a decent job; or rather I know I won’t die, and instead, after the speech, I feel pretty good!

I feel that shooting down my fear of public speaking works as a metaphor for shooting down fears in life. When you’re up on stage, you have a choice – to feel confident, and deliver, or to feel weak, and do a poor job. It’s completely up to you, and so it is with life. As I gave more speeches, I grew fed up of doing a poor job, especially when I know what a good speech involves, and so, I gained the confidence to actually be confident, or rather I gave myself permission to be confident, for what seems like the first time in my life.

I can’t believe how much Toastmasters has helped me in other social areas. I never could have believed it, but I find myself doing things outside the club that are a lot more positive, such as the Dragon Boat training. Perhaps being a member of any club has the potential to provide this, but I feel Toastmasters is something else. It is a collective of people determined to improve themselves, not just in the realm of public speaking, but across their entire lives. It’s incredible to feel that zest for life, and passion in the room; and the support that comes from my fellow members.

Just when I think I’m doing pretty well as a speaker, sometimes I listen to someone else’s speech that just takes my breath away. It is simultaneously both wonderfully humbling, and also vastly inspiring to hear such a speaker. I’m reminded of how far I have yet to go, but even more, I’m so excited by the *possibility* that somehow, I might be able to inspire someone else in the same way in which I have just been inspired. It’s a surreal experience.

I felt this surge of excitement when listening to Sammy Su speak last weekend, who will go on to represent our Division in the National Taiwan Championship. Bar a disaster, I can’t imagine how she could lose, yet if she does, it will be down to an incredible performance by an equally talented speaker. There’s a video on YouTube of her previous speech, but I believe this performance is a lot better. The power of Sammy’s speech grabs the listener by the throat, and pulls them on an incredible journey that they have never seen before. That’s the best way I can describe it, because Sammy is so direct and forceful in her language, yet without being aggressive; and instead she is so charming and almost seductive in her style.

I’m going to our upcoming Spring Convention on May 27, so I’ll write more about her speech if she goes on to win. I really hope she does!

Anyway, for myself, my first goal is to achieve CC or Competent Communicator. I’m delighted with my progress, and I hope I’ll be able to do this by July at the latest (but I’m shooting for June.)

A Nice Quotation

I got this quotation from the Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss, which I’m currently reading (my thoughts to come!)

But I think this quotation is beautifully true, undeniably so, and its tongue-in-cheek tone will surely help keep me positive when I feel like my views are going against those of the entire world.

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. All progress, therefore, depends upon the unreasonable man.“ George Bernard Shaw

Sleep Update

I’ve been sleeping a little too much recently. Most particularly with the football and the late Chinese class, it’s been difficult to get up at the time I would have liked. Ambitious goals may call for drastic measures, and in order to kill two birds with one stone, I decided to join Shi Da’s Dragon Boat team. Practice will take place every day at 6.30am, and that should force me out of bed; and also get my physical exercise quota done for the day.

My sleep has been wildly inconsistent, and when it has been consistent, it’s been 10am consistent. Not good enough, especially with all the things I need to get done. I’ll see how this Dragon Boat thing helps me to achieve my sleeping goals.

We had our first proper training session today. It’s not been quite as strenuous as I thought it might have been, but tomorrow I’ll know if my back muscles in particular are going to be feeling it in the coming weeks. If not, I might continue going to the gym, because even after training it’s still pretty early.

Chinese Learning

I guess I should be pleased with the progress I’ve made in Chinese. After all, I’ve learned to write a lot of words in quite a short space of time. However, as a former language teacher, albeit to kids, I can’t help but feel like lessons should provide so much more. I hate to gripe (nah, just kidding, I love it), but everyone has simply told me that this is a traditional Taiwanese/Asian style of teaching.

We simply aren’t given enough opportunities to speak Chinese in class, and with the class level being pretty good on the whole, it seems a waste. Instead, we’re being fed vocabulary word by word, with an explanation where the English translation should suffice. Couple that with around one third of class time being wasted on copious testing, and I know that I could make better use of my time with an hour on ProVoc.

I feel any real progress has been down to this program, the book, which does provide a nice structure to follow, and a nice (if dry) vocabulary list. For my speaking needs, I can only rely on Language Exchange, which is really fun, but also time consuming. In an ideal world, I’d like to have more open discussion, perhaps just in pairs, doing brainstorming and presentations (e.g. the three worst things about Taiwan), and even a debate or cool games. I know that our Chinese is good enough. It’s funny that I never really liked much of this as a kid – maybe Toastmasters is contributing to this! But with so many people in the classroom, a good teacher should really make use of that, and give something that we can’t necessarily get from Language Exchange. It’s not about myself talking either, my Chinese is worse than other students, and I know I could learn a lot from them.

Hell, I’d even be satisfied with making sentences using the vocab words. As it stands, our teacher asks a very closed question, and we respond in turn. There’s no real excitement or chance to be creative. And yeah, the rest of the time is just tests, in which I struggle. I think it’s just an easy way to measure progress, but any real linguist knows that language is more than tests.

Maybe I’m just thinking in terms of my own needs, but I’m still having to put in a good hour and a half study every day just to learn the words, and going to class doesn’t provide me with the speaking experience I need to progress. I’m sure this won’t be the end of my debate, as I consider whether to continue at Shi Da, move to Tai Da, whose study program I’ve heard good things about, or just go back to teaching English and study in my own time.

A brand new battery!

Well, I have recently, last Monday, come into possession of a brand new Macbook battery. After my gripe last time around, I took my Macbook’s failing power cord to the nearest Apple support centre, who told me it was unrepairable. I had no choice but to buy a new one, as the wires were dangerously exposed. I can only hope that the new one lasts until I get the Macbook’s successor (or is that the Macbook Air?)

But the folks at the store kindly took my Macbook’s failing battery in, and 7-10 working days later, I received a sparkling new Macbook battery, with its underside gleaming white and spotless plastic rubber feet to go with it. What can I say about this experience, other than I really don’t have any reasonable grounds for complaint? I still feel like Apple’s quality control is lacking, but my shining new battery has distracted me from every complaint I’ve held before; in particular that Magsafe cable. My 20 month year old Macbook (it feels like I’ve had it much longer), now has a battery life of a brand new one, and looks almost new too. Check out the pic below:

It’s not only 5200, my battery started with a capacity of 5480! That’s 105% capacity! w00t!

With the new battery however, begins a new obsession. In my quest for perfection, and after a day finding the battery life falling from 5480 to 5460, and now 5380, I become worried about something that is so insignificant as you know, big important life events, that I can’t believe I’m struggling to rise above it. I’m frankly insulting my own intelligence. It is rather a dangerous obsession, one that only geeks and perfectionists can find themselves being drawn into. I’d like to look into the psychology behind all of this, but that’s for a smarter person than me.

I’m not sure when I should calibrate my battery, but I might wait until May. I hope I can somehow keep my battery healthy. I’ve heard that discharging the battery doesn’t really affect its life at all, and some argue it’s recommended, but I can’t help but try to operate only from AC, especially after having to go for a week without the battery at all.

So no other problems, other than the ‘\’ button looks to be coming off yet again (this is the third time.) I can’t understand why it’s always this button or the ‘0′ button; and I can’t think that it’s the way I type, because I don’t use it that much. The only other thing is the flickering display and faulty CD drive, which are perennial Macbook problems. I’ll just grin and bear it, I think.

Thierry Henry, the Gunner Galactico

As Arsenal’s season ends prematurely, it’s usually time for a review. As Myles Palmer of Arsenal News Review – my usual first call for Arsenal news and reports – says, Arsenal are short of a striker. A big club without a world class striker is unthinkable if we really want success.

It seems like so long ago that Thierry Henry graced the sacred turf of Highbury and played the most majestic football Arsenal fans had ever seen. And despite my favourite player remaining the masterful Dutchman, Dennis Bergkamp, it’s really impossible to overplay the importance of Thierry Henry in the success that Arsenal have had in recent years. It has really, honestly been down to him – the cutting edge behind our attack, the man who produced the winning goal time and time again. And now he’s gone, and Arsenal have dribbled miserably out of both the title race and the champions league, finally we miss him, or at least him at his best. How fickle football fans are.

Even so, we were still a striker short over this period, especially after Dennis left. I can’t imagine the success we might have had, had we actually bought a decent forward to play with him, although few would have been deemed worthy by the Frenchman who had difficulties playing with everyone bar Dennis. Now we are two quality strikers short.

Thierry was so much more than goals – he was the complete player, although admittedly a woeful captain, whose teammates could never live up to his own ridiculous standards. And there have been so many incredible goals over the years, which are remembered ever more fondly by the day. I believe Henry’s ability was so far ahead of anyone else at the time, it’s hard to imagine any other player scoring some of these goals. Here are probably my favourite ten of Thierry Henry’s goals. No links I’m afraid, these are straight out of my increasingly failing memory.

10. Thierry vs Inter Milan

Capping off a wonderful European night, Thierry scored two, but his second is most typical of his talent. Thierry has the ball just inside the box, and the defender, Materazzi is in front of him. Dipping his shoulder, Thierry blasts of with instant acceleration to the left, and fires a shot back across goal into the opposite corner. Thierry’s finishing from this area is impossible to stop. You’ll see another similarly great goal higher on this list. What’s more is that this is against defending of the highest level. Even though they know what he’s going to do, they’re still helpless to stop him. Thierry’s pace and acceleration from a standing position was legendary, and the finishing is deadly. 5 – 1 to the Arsenal, and what a great night it was.

9. Thierry vs Some Random Side

If only this wasn’t a Pre Season friendly, as this is perhaps the most beautiful goal on this list. It is just the most sublime, impossible display of god given talent. Thierry receives a long ball, and whilst running forward into position on the edge of the box away from goal to the right, sticks his right boot out and reverse flicks the ball 90 degrees over the defender’s head and back across to the left. As the ball dips down, Thierry caresses the most delicate of looping volleys with his left boot, that eludes the keeper in a perfect arc. The whole process is incredible.

8. Thierry vs Charlton

Marked tightly by the Charlton defender, and in a crowded penalty area, Thierry improvises remarkably, backheeling the ball from ten yards into the far corner of the goal. Thierry hits the backheel with pace, and with the goalkeeper unsighted, it’s a memorable goal for Arsenal. I believe John Motson is still trying to work out how Thierry Henry scored this one.

7. Thierry vs Roma

A European hat trick for Thierry was completed with this incredible free kick, whipped perfectly into the top corner with pace and precision. Yes, he hits free kicks too. Henry>>>You.

6. Thierry vs Tottenham Hotspur

A notable goal, not only because it came against Arsenal’s most bitter rivals. Thierry runs almost the entire length of the pitch to score this one, taking the ball from near the edge of his box, and heading towards the Spurs goal at pace. No other player can keep up, not least his own teammates, and Thierry takes it upon himself to coast past three Tottenham players with ease, drifting towards the left side of the goal and squeezing in a shot into the corner from the edge of the box. Thierry runs to celebrate in front of the Spurs fans, which endeared him in the hearts of many. If you score a goal like that, you have the right to do that, I suppose.

5. Thierry vs Manchester City

Thierry hit some sublime goals against Manchester City in his career, but this, part of a 5-0 drumming if I remember correctly, was part of a masterful display from the Frenchman. I like this goal, not often remembered, because Thierry made it look so easy. A long looping ball comes towards him, and Thierry, taking up his regular position on the left hand edge of the box, leaps slightly into the air, allowing the ball to land onto his right instep, and as his own body hits the ground, hits a crisp clean daisy cutter of a shot immediately with his left foot which goes in off the far post. This goal is immaculate. The goalkeeper doesn’t even move, because Thierry shouldn’t be able to hit such a clean shot from that position. As always, his technique is exemplary. But for the observer it just looks effortless, and maybe not even that spectacular. What a player.

4. Thierry vs West Ham

Thierry’s long shooting was as good as anyone. This goal only earned the Gunners a 2-2 draw, but it deserved to be the winner. Thierry flicks the ball up, over his shoulder and away from the opposition player and strides towards goal looking sure to give the defense problems… but before anyone in the ground can even blink, he’s only gone and hit an absolute rocket of a volleyed shot into the top corner from 25 yards. An absolute stunner. I didn’t even know footballs could be hit that hard.

3. Thierry vs Liverpool

Arsenal’s season was in a little trouble, and the media were circling like magpies waiting for Arsenal to choke the title. Thierry confirmed the Invincibles’ legacy would be written into the history books with this most sly of runs. Picking up the ball deep inside the Liverpool half, Thierry slaloms his way directly through the Liverpool defence. He somehow makes the Liverpool defense of Hyypia and Carragher look like traffic cones, as he wrong foots them with incredulous ease. On second viewing, Henry still confuses even the viewer with his trickery and guile. Before you know it, he’s one on one with the keeper, and the finish is never in doubt. This goal, which effectively guaranteed the Gunners’ Premiership title was one third of a wonderful hat trick.

2. Thierry vs Real Madrid

“Go on Thierry, my son!” came the cries all around me as we were gripped by the onscreen drama. Of course Henry could score against minor opposition at will, but dare he produce the goods against the mighty Real Madrid? He proved it, at the Bernabeu, no less, and emphatically; in a season that saw Arsenal come so close to claiming that elusive Champions League title, and yet so far. Thierry picks up the ball in the centre circle, and proceeds to take on the entire Madrid team by himself. He beats three players – Ronaldo, attempting to shoulder charge him, only manages to increase his velocity towards the Madrid goal. Henry uses all his pace to steam past the Madrid back line, beating Ramos with sheer speed before hitting a clinical left foot shot right into the corner. Of course he could finish from there. He’s Thierry Henry, after all.

1. Thierry vs Manchester United

THAT Thierry Henry goal. At this stage of his career, Thierry’s place in history was still uncertain. Sure he was a great striker, but he wasn’t yet the world superstar that he would later become. With his back to goal, standing a good 25 yards out, Thierry flicks up a pass and in one single twist, strikes the cleanest of volleys for an audacious looping shot that leaves Fabien Barthez helpless. Did he mean it? The replays show it all, but not the pace of the shot, which comes out of nowhere. Henry at his absolute best was always capable of producing magic like this. Could anyone else? Near impossible to imagine. The ball lands in the top corner of the goal but no keeper in the world would get anywhere near it.

Disclaimer: My reporting is not necessarily 100% accurate. Corrections are most welcome and I will update accordingly. An honourable mention goes to the Chelsea pirouette, which should have found it into the list, but for the fact that I had already written it.

Same old Arsenal, always conceeding

I’m not usually the most optimistic about Arsenal’s chances in the Champions League, but we always do have a chance. In knockout football, anything can happen.

At 2-1 down, I wasn’t all that worried; since we would have had to score anyway. All of a sudden, there was a sense of urgency in the team, and there was always a possibility of sneaking a goal, which we did. I think had it gone to penalties, we would have had no chance. So the only thing I had in my mind was: “Don’t score too early!”

Even though in the second half, we were getting pummelled, I was still optimistic, Theo was on, and at least something might happen with him on the pitch. He did his run, shades of Thierry Henry, and it looked like somehow Arsenal had made it through. But this is Arsenal, the Arsenal who always look likely to conceed, especially after taking the lead. The team were exhausted, Fabregas and Hleb in particular, and I couldn’t understand why Wenger had waited so long to bring on his substitutes.

Arsenal cannot defend. I said that in my last post, and it has always been that way since that back four retired.

Well, losing to a dodgy penalty is never much fun. I’ve been feeling a bit down today, but to be honest, the team didn’t really deserve to go through. I’m fed up of getting knocked out of the Champions League. Trying to look for the positives, at least we’ve avoided another potential battering at the hands of Manchester United.

And for me personally, these 3am matches haven’t been helping my sleep pattern over the past week; I didn’t manage to recover from the last one. If the match on Saturday doesn’t go well, then there’s no more football for me for a while. I won’t be watching the Champions League final, nor much of Euro 2008, I imagine, so maybe I might get some work done as a result.